You're not going to poop in a hole...

**Disclaimer** Somebody once told me that once you become a Peace Corps volunteer you start talking about bodily functions more often. When they told me this I said, “nope, not me, I won’t ever!” but lo and behold, here I am writing a blog post that has the word “poop” in it more than once. My sincerest apologies.

Yesterday, my friend Gwynn (Peace Corps Suriname) shared a video about Peace Corps on Facebook called, “Poop in a Hole”. The video is hilarious and touches on a lot of stuff that MOST Peace Corps volunteers face. But the thing about serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in Antigua is that it’s not like most Peace Corps posts, life here isn’t as hard as life in more remote areas… I don’t poop in a hole. 

That life in Antigua is a bit easier can be good and it can be bad. On the upside, I sometimes feel like I’m able to get a lot more done. The fact that I spend my day working on a computer (in an air conditioned office), designing marketing campaigns for upcoming courses, teaching computer classes, writing grants for summer camps, etc., in some ways it feels like what I might be doing at a non-profit at home. And that’s good right? Because it gives me skills that I’ll be able to use at home, yes?

But at the same time, the ease can be frustrating. Most of us didn’t sign up for the Peace Corps thinking that it was going to be so similar to home or that it would be easy. We wanted it to be different; we wanted to know (as much as we could) what it felt like to live like the 50% of the world that lives on $2 a day. Difficulties getting water, no indoor plumbing, experiencing a remote village life, we wanted all of those things. Of course we realized that the sheer fact that we are Americans and always have a “fall back” option means that we’ll NEVER really know the hardships that most of the world face, but having an opportunity to get as near to that as we can was something we wanted. 

It’s hard to explain why living in Antigua – where things are so similar to life at home – can be so difficult. I guess it’s that you see a lot the stuff that reminds you of home but your friends and family aren’t there to share it with and you don’t have the same resources (e.g. income) to enjoy all of those luxuries of home. Plus you feel like you shouldn’t be enjoying the luxuries of home because you’re a Peace Corps volunteer… life should be harder. And then when life is hard, when things don’t work the same as they would back home, you get extra frustrated because you look around and think, “this looks like home, why aren’t things working like home?”

That said, there are some difficulties in my life that I wouldn’t have at home. In fact, a lot of the time my life feels like I’m living in Seattle but I’m broke and I have to do 80% of my shopping at 7/11 and the dollar store… oh and it’s like 85 degrees all the time and I never stop sweating. So… um… maybe it’s more like I’m living poor in Florida. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying my Peace Corps experience a lot! I’m learning a ton about what I’m capable of, what my strengths are and learning a lot more about my weaknesses (which are plentiful). When I get to spend weekends swimming with Stingrays, circumnavigating the island on a sail boat, or just lying on the beach I realize how lucky I am and how amazing my life is. But I guess it’s not what I expected. And I suppose that’s the reality of life, things never live up to our expectations. If the point was to go someplace new, learn some things and share some of my skills with new people, then I can say that I am accomplishing that goal. But if the goal was to go and poop in a hole for two years then I have most definitely failed. 

Now a list of the things that I have and haven’t experienced that the video mentions…

Stuff that I HAVE NOT had to deal with:

• Thank GOD no diarrhea yet.
• No fevers (yet)
• I haven’t had to learn a new language – people do speak dialect in Antigua but if I try to speak dialect I sound like a moron.
• Pooping in a hole
• Dreaming about ice cream and soda – we have all of that here in surplus. I do dream about Thai and Indian food though. Mmmmmm Pad See Ew.
• So far have had Turkey at Thanksgiving
• No parasites (yet) – but I should probably have this rash on my arm checked out.
• So far I haven’t run into anyone wanting a bribe.
• No government coups
• My counterpart would NEVER steal money.

What I have had to deal with:

• Waiting 16 months to know whether I made it into the Peace Corps
• Getting stared at as I walk down the street. Not because I’m foreign though (I think), mostly guys just hiss, whistle, and try to get my attention. That is very new and weird to me.
• Not feeling like I fit in. This isn’t so much a problem at work, it is a problem everywhere else. Although when I was teaching classes I had a hard time relating to the kids and they definitely had a hard time relating to me. I’m only a few years older than most of them but our lives and experiences have been quite different.
• Trying new foods. Lots and lots of new foods at first but now that I live on my own I pretty much stick to cooking what I know.
• Weird rashes… I really should go get these looked at.
• Keeping a diary (or blog) but being bad at both of them and then thinking I will probably just stop trying.
• Being a long way from home.
• Looking like a homeless person – old ratty clothes that have stains on them, sweating all day as you walk around town because you can’t drive, all the while carrying a MASSIVE backpack that is dirty and has holes in it. Oh and never wearing any makeup because as soon as you put it on it slides off.
• Feeling under qualified to “save the world”… or just do my job… which is sometimes well defined until it’s not anymore.
• Being too hot, being too hot, being too hot, being too hot (I’ve never felt too cold).
• No AC at home but I do have AC in the office which most Peace Corps volunteers don’t get.
• Trying to Skype/Video chat with people at home but can’t make it through (can’t hear anything) because of a bad connection.
• Facebook friends looking at pics and say “you’re livin’”.
• Plenty bucket showers when my water goes out, just happened again last week. When it’s not a bucket shower it’s a cold water shower. Also, can’t take a bucket shower using the water in my cistern because it’s filled with what I think are mosquito larvae. They could be something else but I can’t think of what. Thousands of little black worm looking things that swim. I dumped a bucket of bleach in the tank and they lived through it. Must be mosquitos, right? I only use that water to flush my toilet when the water is out.
• Feeling like, “I just came here to help” and then running into PLENTY of people who don’t want your help. (Thankfully none of them are at my primary worksite)
• Making a very LITTLE bit of money, but unlike on the video, over here it’s not a lot and nobody wants to marry me for it.
• Can’t drive a car (oh how I miss my car), gotta take the bus (oh how I hate the bus). Sometimes I ride in the back of trucks but not very often.
• Waiting for what feels like a long time between care packages but really isn’t. My family and friends are awesome! Although, I have had two care packages go “missing”… somehow they got “lost” between the US postal service and the Antiguan postal service.
• Reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies.
• Marking the calendar and figuring out how long I’ve been here vs. how long it will be before I get to go back home.